


A Home in this Fire

by jjongorable



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongorable/pseuds/jjongorable
Summary: Jongin was supposed to die, and it's up to Kyungsoo to figure out why he didn't.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is a wacky story i thought up recently while talking to my gf because i had nothing to read. so i thought i would just write my own!

Prologue

* * *

 

Jongin was supposed to die.  
He wasn’t supposed to live till 10, and not to 11 after. Not to 16 or 23, but here he is. Living.  
Or at least that’s what he calls waking up every day and breathing. It’s what he calls going outside only to pick the apples off the tree in his front yard.  
Except he’s not really picking apples.  
Because there isn’t really a tree outside his one-bedroom apartment given to him and maintained by the city.  
You see, Jongin was supposed to die, yet he’s still alive and no one knows why.  
There’s a note on Jongin’s bathroom mirror that tells him to take his meds located in the last drawer on the right, but he already knows this. He knows what’s he’s supposed to do, but he doesn’t do it because he doesn’t know why he should.  
Well, he knows exactly why he needs to take them, he just chooses not to.  
Jongin doesn’t do a lot of things, and this upsets a lot of people.  
But Jongin is living on borrowed time anyway and he couldn’t care less. Because he was supposed to die.  
But he didn’t.  
Why didn’t he?

  
…

  
Kyungsoo looks at the file in his hands with absolute hate. In fact, there isn’t two words in the world he hates more than the ones that form the name he has been forced to look at for the last seven years.  
“Kim fucking Jongin.”  
Just saying the name out loud makes Kyungsoo shiver. But it’s become a ritual for him every night to utter them as he’s falling asleep.  
“Just die already,” Kyungsoo adds as he closes his eyes.  
Kyungsoo really hates Jongin. He’s hated him for seven years, and he’s sure he’ll hate Jongin till the boy dies. Kyungsoo hopes it’s sooner rather than later of course. But he takes what he can get now.  
It’s what he’s gotten for the last seven years. And in fact, he’s starting to think the city government did this to him on purpose.  
And so he asks himself “why me?” without ever really looking for an answer.  
Because Kim fucking Jongin was supposed to die, and it’s up to Kyungsoo to figure out why he’s still alive.


	2. Part 1

Part 1

* * *

 

Jongin is eight when he hears a knock on the door while he’s watching some show with talking animals. He’s eight, so he never answers doors. He just waits for his mom to stop making dinner and go greet the visitor, all the while grumbling about having been interrupted. Jongin doesn’t even spare a glance.

It isn’t until he’s watching maybe the fourth show with talking animals, though he isn’t sure if they’re the same ones as before since they all just meld into each other in his mind, that he realizes he’s never heard the door shut or his mother’s footsteps heading back towards the kitchen. But Jongin is only eight and it isn’t his business what the adults do. Even if the short hand on the clock is now on the 9 instead of the 5 and his mother still hasn’t called him for dinner.

Jongin falls asleep watching talking animals and wishing he was an adult so he could go into the kitchen and feed himself.

Jongin wakes up to a burning home and smoke in his lungs. Everyone in the city said it was a miracle the door had already been open so that the young boy could easily walk out unharmed.

Though what of his mother?

Government reports say she died in the flames. No body, no funeral.

But Jongin is eight and all he knows is that he now has to live in a home with other little boys who have no parents.

…

Jongin is fourteen and has his pants around his ankles and his hand twisted in Sehun’s hair. He doesn’t think he feels particularly good about the way Sehun uses his tongue, but Jongin also doesn’t think he can complain. He takes what is given to him with a polite smile and a “thank you” if it’s appropriate.

But all Sehun wants is a kiss and something else Jongin isn’t sure he’s willing to give. So when the boy who uses too much tongue is done, Jongin pulls up his pants and waves a partial goodbye as he walks back to his room down the hall. He’ll finish the job beneath his covers and without anyone’s name on his lips.

Jongin is also fourteen when the older boys from floor nine sneak into his bedroom one night. When he’s punched in the face and called a “fag” and a “pussy” and cries till his tears become blood.

Jongin isn’t stupid and he knows to keep his mouth shut when the headmaster asks about his bruises. Jongin doesn’t want any trouble.

But sometimes he lies in his bed and wishes that he didn’t wake up that night when he was eight and his house burned down.

Sometimes he thinks he was meant to die in that fire.

He swears to himself that next time he’ll start his own.

…

Jongin is twenty and he’s finally on his own. At least, that’s what his headmaster told him as he handed him the keys to his own apartment.

“You’re twenty. You’re finally on your own.”

Jongin wanted to scoff at the man’s words. Hadn’t he been on his own this whole time? Instead he just takes the keys from the man’s hands and unlocks the door to his shabby, government assigned apartment. At least it’s furnished, he thinks.

“You’re rent is paid for up to six months. You have also been assigned a job.” The headmaster who’s name Jongin never thought to learn hands him a folder. “Inside is everything you will need. You’re smart Jongin. I expect you don’t need me to explain anything.”

With that the man walks away. And Jongin frowns at the simplicity of it all.

But just like he’s done for years, he takes what he’s given with a smile and a “thank you” if it’s appropriate.

Maybe now he can finally start that fire.

…

It’s five years after Jongin’s 20th birthday when he receives a knock on the door. It gives him a sense of déjà vu as he notices the cartoons playing on his television screen. Why would we ever want animals to speak, he thinks. Why would we ever want anything, he adds as he begrudgingly gets up to go answer his door. He’ll be genial, he decides, even though he wasn’t expecting anyone.

Jongin opens the door to the barrel of a 9mm pistol.

“Well dammit Kyungsoo, you could at least warn a man before pointing a gun in his face.”

“Wasn’t the knock warning enough?”

The two men stare at each other, Jongin with his head slightly tilted to the right so as to look Kyungsoo in the eyes, the pistol now aimed just slightly past his left ear. Jongin raises one eyebrow and gestures lazily at the gun.

“You gonna put that away? It kind of makes it hard to kiss you with your arm stretched out and all.”

With that Kyungsoo lowers the gun and steps towards Jongin so that they aren’t but a few centimeters apart. Jongin’s hands immediately find the other’s waist.

“Who says I want to kiss your ugly ass?” Jongin grins as Kyungsoo inches closer, their lips practically touching.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Jongin pulls Kyungsoo the rest of the way so that their lips are now fully joined and he kicks the door shut behind them. Their kiss is soft and slow, none of the aggression present from just seconds ago. It’s a kiss that barely conceals their “I miss you” and “please stay.”

But Jongin knows that Kyungsoo will leave, and Kyungsoo knows that Jongin won’t believe him anyway.

And so the kiss ends on that bitter note and they look at each other with an emotion almost akin to hate, because this is not what they signed up for in this life.

But they take what they are given with sunken eyes and a “see you later” if it’s appropriate.

…

7 YEARS AGO (Jongin 18, Kyungsoo 21)

Kyungsoo scowls at the manila folder that just landed on his desk. He then glances at the larger pile of folders to his left. He almost doesn’t even have the energy to glance up to the person above him to inquire about yet another envelope.

“What is this?” He asks his assistant. His name is Baekhyun and the only reason Kyungsoo knows this at all is because the boy hounded him for an entire month to learn it. Kyungsoo lived through too many “Not Bacon, Baek-,” “Not Beckhon, Baek-” and other variances of the sort for him to keep up the charade. Kyungsoo learned Baekhyun’s name the moment he received his application for the position. It’s his job to remember names.

“It’s an anomaly.”

“I don’t do anomalies.” Kyungsoo shoves the folder back towards Baekhyun, who just picks it up and places it even closer.

“You do now. Director’s orders.”

“Why do I put up with her again?”

“Because she’s the only one who could beat your ass from Seoul to Tokyo.”

Kyungsoo scoffs. “Why do I put up with you again?”

“Because I’m the only one who could ever get your coffee order correct?”

“Please, you can’t even do that right.” Kyungsoo looks back at the folder with disdain. He’s come to despise the manila color so often associated with importance and, more relevant to Kyungsoo, death. But what disturbs Kyungsoo the most is the threshold he crosses once he opens one of these folders and finally reads the contents kept so secret inside. It’s then that he knows there’s no turning back.

Each folder holds a mission, a name, a life that Kyungsoo now holds in his hands and will surely bring to an end.

 "Did you look at it?”

“Of course.”

“Tell me about it.”

“8 years ago there was a house fire. A young boy –”

“No names.” 

“– and his mother was supposed to perish.” Baekhyun doesn’t miss a beat from the interruption, already knowing his boss’s peculiarity with his job.

“Supposed to?”

“To keep a long story short, they didn’t.”

“And?”

“Read the file.” Baekhyun taps the file twice before taking his leave of Kyungsoo’s office.

Kyungsoo stares at the folder for a second longer. It’s not curiosity that tells him to open it, and it’s definitely not pity for the child, but it goes against all of Kyungsoo’s self-taught discipline to open this particular manila folder. He does it anyway.

He reads the name quickly before tossing it in the pile with the others. Special cases can wait till the next working day, so Kyungsoo grabs his coat and heads out after Baekhyun. They’re do for a late night drink anyway.

…

“This place is quite…different from our usual spot.” Kyungsoo ogles all the scantily clad bodies making their way around the bar Baekhyun dragged him into. He almost regrets not having looked at the name of the building, maybe then he would’ve been warned of his assistant’s intentions.

“I thought maybe we could use a change of scenery.”

“You mean a change in clientele?”

“Ah, it doesn’t really matter, Soo.” Kyungsoo cringes at the shortening of his name, but no matter how many times he’s told Baekhyun how much he absolutely hates the nickname, his assistant always persists in using it. Kyungsoo expects he needs to up his threat game, except there’s nothing worse he can think of to scare Baekhyun into obedience. But he still glares at the other to get the message across. Of course, Baekhyun is too busy flirting with the bartender to get them free drinks to mind anything Kyungsoo is doing at the moment.

His flirting pays off, like it always does, and a grinning Baekhyun waves a glass in Kyungsoo’s face.

“What is it?” Kyungsoo asks as he takes the glass anyway and sips without waiting for an actual answer. He tastes more alcohol than anything else in the drink, though he’s sure there’s a hint of strawberry flavor – Baekhyun’s favorite that he puts into almost everything. You would think Kyungsoo would be a lot more careful when dealing with foreign substances being offered to him, but Kyungsoo would trust Baekhyun with his life (though maybe not with his younger brother if he ever had one).

“It’s nothing and it’s everything.” Baekhyun replies as he loops one arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders to guide him to an empty booth. Kyungsoo slides in after Baekhyun and positions himself right in the curve of Baekhyun’s side. He always feels more at ease sitting like this. Like all the weight of the world is somehow being shared between the two of them, instead of just him carrying the burden all alone. Baekhyun realizes what Kyungsoo needs and he lets him have his moments. For that Kyungsoo is grateful.

“There’s no way you’re already drunk.” Though Kyungsoo thinks that his assistant may have indeed broken his record for the amount of time it takes him to get tipsy after walking into a bar.

“Anything is possible, Soo.” Kyungsoo notices how somehow Baekhyun managed to obtain yet two more full cups of alcohol. And the way Baekhyun glances between both glasses, which look as if they both have the same substance, to decide which to drink from is almost comical. Kyungsoo should be apprehensive of his assistant, but he knows that come tomorrow morning the young man will still be as efficient despite a heavy night of drinking. Baekhyun is one of the few beings who are blessed to not wake up with head-splitting hangovers the morning after. Kyungsoo would be jealous, but he doesn’t drink often. It would be too much of a hindrance to his job, and Kyungsoo quite likes the state of his mind when he’s sober and no outside chemicals are working to destroy his brain.

Kyungsoo leans more into Baekhyun as he takes another drink of the mysterious concoction that is everything and nothing at the same time. Kyungsoo tunes out Baekhyun’s ramblings about whatever and focuses on the way his lips are moving instead. The way his tongue darts out to lick the side of his mouth. He thinks about how he wishes it was his tongue instead. It’s then that he becomes conscious of the fingers dancing on the side of his shoulder and the foot that’s not-so-subtlety brushing up against his ankle.

“– then he hands me the folder and I’m all like –”

Kyungsoo kissed him. The rest is history. Story over.

At least, that’s what Kyungsoo likes to think happened.

But Kyungsoo feels Baekhyun stiffen and then sink into the kiss. He fees Baekhyun’s tongue trace his lips. And then somehow they’re in a taxi, and then at Baekhyun’s apartment. And the rest _is_ history.

Except it happens again next week, and then the following week. And sometimes in Kyungsoo’s office.

Kyungsoo doesn’t like Baekhyun, not at all. But Kyungsoo thinks Baekhyun knows that he will end this relationship whenever he deems fit. Whenever the urge to fuck his assistant against his desk - not because he has any emotional attachment to the man but because Kyungsoo hadn’t gotten laid in who knows how long - is gone. Baekhyun is Kyungsoo’s award at the end of a good day’s work.

And Baekhyun knows this. Kyungsoo is sure he’s told him this.

…

5 YEARS AGO

“We…I…can’t do this.” Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun’s pants in his ears as he kisses his assistant’s neck, one hand down his pants and the other in Baekhyun’s hair.

And so it ends.

There’s no yelling or door slamming. Kyungsoo takes his hands off Baekhyun’s penis and he leaves.

Work the next morning is normal by Kyungsoo’s standards as well. Though he thinks that Baekhyun could come a little faster when he calls, and leave a little slower when he’s done.

Kyungsoo still hits up the same bar every week. He finds someone knew to replace what Baekhyun no longer supplies him with. Honestly, he can’t tell the difference. He just wishes that he still had his in-office fix. And he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t considered just hiring a new assistant.

But Baekhyun is good and knows all his mannerisms. It’d be too much work to get someone new.

And so Kyungsoo’s normal days now go as follows:

7:30am – Wake up

9am – Be at work

2pm – Lunch Break

3pm – Meeting (Topic: Kim Fucking Jongin ~~again~~ )

5pm – Home

7pm – Dinner

Kyungsoo hates 3 o’clock. It’s the time in his department that’s dedicated to special cases. The types of special cases that shouldn’t be allowed to exist. But at least he’s only responsible for one of them, he thinks. It just sucks that it’s been two years since the name was placed on his desk in a stupid manila folder. Kim Fucking Jongin is giving him a bad rep. And Kyungsoo will be damned if he lets all his hard work go to waste.

Kyungsoo doesn’t have 163 confirmed kills for nothing.

And he’s only 23.

…

4 YEARS AGO

“What do you mean you lost him?”

“We were trailing him…not even 30 meters in front of us. He just…disappeared.”

“No one just disappears. Find Him. Now!” Kyungsoo hangs up his phone and throws it across his office.

“Goddammit!”

He just wants him dead already.

..

2 YEARS AGO

Jongin hates everything about his job. He hates his boss, he hates his uniform, he hates his duties, the constant smell of coffee that latches onto his skin almost like a fixed aroma that he can never seem to get rid of. But above all he hates the customers. He hates the girls who leave the top button open on their blouses and lean a little too much over the counter. He hates the business men who come early in the morning with their pretentious personalities and their pompous attire that seems to beg for disrespect. He hates the men who lure him into the bathroom on his break for fifteen minutes of elation and a quick dismissal. He hates the elderly people who come in and complain about their weak hearts, yet still order the very thing that is sure to kill them.

Jongin hates it all and he wants to escape. And it’s while he’s contemplating just what he’d do to escape that a figure walks in that he’s never seen before. The man is dressed in a suit and has a certain air about him that makes Jongin immediately dismiss him. Yet another customer to hate, and Jongin is quite skilled in this action.

He doesn’t even give the customer a proper glance – having long gotten over his initial phase where every new customer was fascinating, carrying their own life story and whatnot – before going back to sweeping behind his counter. Jongin couldn’t possibly care about any of that anymore. A customer was simply a nuisance that kept him from having an easy day. There’s nothing Jongin valued more than an easy day.

It wasn’t until the customer rang the bell indicating he was ready to order that Jongin’s stare finally lingered on the man. His face was extraordinary, everything that Jongin found attractive. But Jongin doesn’t swoon over just a pretty face. He moves to the cash register and nods his head in a way that he hopes lets the mystery customer know he’s ready to take his order. But it’s then that he notices the man staring at him with a look of increasing confusion.

“Do we…know each other?” Jongin is taken back by the customer’s question. Because, at least to Jongin’s own knowledge, he had never seen the man before. He’s sure he would’ve remembered such an attractive face.

“Trust me, I would’ve remembered such an attractive face.” Jongin tries to gauge the man’s reaction to his forwardness, but he doesn’t so much as raise an eyebrow. Instead he seems to stare even harder at Jongin’s face, seemingly studying each feature. Jongin wonders if he should strike a few poses for the customer, just for fun. He could use a bit of comedy in his life. Everything and everyone around him was always so serious.

After a few more moments of staring the customer shrugs and Jongin smiles. It’s almost a real one, except it doesn’t really touch his eyes and it’s the same smile he gives all his customers. Although, this time it makes him a bit upset. Jongin doesn’t know why, but he wanted to at least give this man a real smile.

“Are you ready to order?”

“Ah yes. Sorry about that.” The customer tells Jongin his order and pays. Jongin finds himself enjoying the sound of the customer’s voice, but he still wishes he’d hurry and leave. Jongin likes when he has the shop all to himself (which is rare and only during the early hours when the store isn’t that busy. Otherwise he’d be here with his two annoying coworkers who he may or may not call his friends depending on how he feels that particular day). So, Jongin makes his order quickly and hands it to the customer.

“I’m Kyungsoo.” The customer says as he reaches for his coffee. Jongin doesn’t recall having inquired about his name (mostly because he did not in fact inquire about such a thing), but he knows from experience that it’s more of a way for the customer to get Jongin’s name without directly asking for it. His theory is confirmed as Kyungsoo waits for his response even after obtaining his drink.

“I’m Kai. Thank you for coming and have a great day.” Jongin says the formal goodbye without any emotion and turns his back on Kyungsoo as a way of letting him know he is no longer a priority.

Jongin hears the telling sound of the store door opening then closing, and with it comes the foreign thought that maybe he’d want to see that customer again.

“It’s only cause he’s my type.” Jongin muttered aloud, as he does most times when he’s alone. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case this particular morning as he hears a voice behind him that nearly has him break the broom in his hands from fright.

“Who’s your type?”

“Shit, Sehun!” Jongin eyes Sehun from over his shoulder, his long-time friend slouching against the wall.

“Every time man, every single time.” Sehun chuckles at Jongin’s defense and walks to give his offended friend a hug. Sehun feigns his own disappointment as Jongin forcefully shoves him away.

“Fuck you.”

“We did that last night.” Another side-eye from Jongin who is not doing so well in his attempt at ignoring Sehun’s antics. 

“Of all the places the government could’ve assigned you to, it just had to be the same place as me.”

“Cut your bull. You say the same thing like every day. Just deal with it.” Sehun has somehow managed his way beside Jongin again without his noticing, and is now rubbing his neck in a way that Jongin hates to admit he loves.

“Cause every day I wake up in denial.” Jongin leans his head back against Sehun’s shoulder, giving into the welcoming sensation of tensional relief.

“Please, you know you would be lost if you didn’t have your dick in my asshole any time you wanted.” Sehun’s sentence is a husky whisper in Jongin’s ear. His breath ghosting alongside Jongin’s face, the same minty smell Jongin has come to associate with his long-time friend. Ever since they were adolescents.

“You want my dick more than you need water and food.” Jongin’s response is not nearly as malicious as he was going for. He can’t seem to be doing anything right today, which is definitely not something he attributes to fuckboy Sehun. Maybe he just didn’t get enough sleep.

“That…is true.” Sehun pulls away, smirking at Jongin’s reluctance to be rid of the warmth his body provided. “But beside the point. We’re talking about you Kai.”

The characteristic frown is back on Jongin’s face and Sehun revels in the emotional response he always receives from him. “Don’t call me that.”

“Oh yeah, I know you much rather prefer something that starts with ‘d-a-d-d’ and ends in ‘y’.”

“Sehun, please shut up.”

…

Jongin meets Kyungsoo in the coffee shop again the next day, and the next, and the next. Each visit lasting just a bit longer than the one before, until Jongin spends even his entire break with the man. Although surely Jongin is suspicious of the attention someone like Kyungsoo gives him. Jongin almost starts wishing that Kyungsoo asked him for sex. Their situation was, if Jongin were to describe it in the simplest way possible, weird. At least to him it was. He was not accustomed to men just wanting to “talk” to him. So one day, maybe on their fifth or sixth meeting that wasn’t just a brief “hello, how are you, goodbye” between orders, Jongin brought it up.

“What is it you want from me?” Jongin sees a small spark of surprise in Kyungsoo’s eyes as he asks the question. Jongin’s learned early on that if he wanted to find out anything about the man, then that was where he needed to look.

Kyungsoo takes a sip of his drink before answering. Jongin believes it was a method of stalling, as he is pretty much a master in the practice. So he just waits for Kyungsoo to finally tell him that yes he’s only wanted to sleep with all along and then never see him again. Never mind all the nice talks they’ve had about the weather and animals; superficial topics Jongin knows, but he’s never had anyone talk to him about these things ever. Jongin refuses to build bonds with people he knows won’t be around long, and he feels himself wanting to be with Kyungsoo more and more. Sehun will get a kick out of this, Jongin thinks.

“I like you.” 

“You like me?” Jongin fights his urge to start laughing because Kyungsoo’s face couldn’t look any more serious. Jongin quirks an eyebrow at the man across from him and leans back in his chair. He’s trying to appear as nonchalant as Kyungsoo, except his heart is beating at a pace he’s never experienced before because he just doesn’t know what to do in a situation like this.

“Yes.”

“That’s a really sick joke, Kyungsoo.” Jongin stands up and dusts off the imaginary lent from his apron. “You can leave now. I have to get back to work.” Kyungsoo doesn’t move. Instead he stares at Jongin in a way that makes the latter increasingly uncomfortable. There’s a mantra in Jongin’s head: _I’m not used to this and I don’t know what to do, I’m not used to this and I don’t know what to do, I’m not used to this…_

It’s like Kyungsoo senses the panic in him even though Jongin is sure his face is as stoic as possible, knowing just how to shield the most vulnerable of his emotions. He stands up to meet Jongin at eye-level, never breaking the contact.

Jongin’s most scared of actually wanting Kyungsoo. His attraction to him became more than physical somewhere in between their sips of coffee and lazy arguments about which season was the best. Jongin can’t believe he fell for someone while talking about the weather.

And Jongin will never admit to this. So he turns his back to Kyungsoo and makes to walk away, back to his position behind the counter where he belongs, back to simply greeting customers and nothing more. But he’s stopped by a hand on his wrist and he almost yells from frustration because HE’S NOT USED TO THIS. GODDAMMIT WON’T HE JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE.

“I won’t leave you alone.” Fuck. Jongin didn’t realize he spoke, more like yelled, aloud. And the constant vexation he felt with himself over losing control of a situation he created caused an almost immediate despair. Jongin thanks the gods that he and Kyungsoo were the only one in the shop to witness this panic attack.

Strong arms envelop Jongin as his knees give in and he falls to the ground, slowly and very reminiscent of the way he feels his mind collapsing. His breath is coming out in short, hollow pants and his vision swoons. But the one thing that’s steady is the voice he’s come to look forward to hearing each day, despite the late nights he spends telling himself to get his shit together, and that his little crush won’t amount to anything other than just that. _Because he doesn't want it to, he thinks._

“I like you.” Kyungsoo’s voice is soft, so soft in Jongin’s ears. So calming. Jongin almost thinks he’s telling the truth. But it doesn’t make any sense and he wishes Kyungsoo would stop talking, stop confusing him.

“Shut up.”

 I won’t leave you alone.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Jongin’s voice cracks on the last syllable. He’s afraid he might start crying, something he hasn’t done since he was 8.

“Kai –,” Jongin stiffens in Kyungsoo’s arms. That was it. Jongin hadn’t even told Kyungsoo who he really is. This man claiming to like him doesn’t even know his real name, how he grew up, or anything about Jongin other than his views on all the superficial shit they spent hours talking about. And Jongin doesn’t even think he wants to tell him any of this, ever.

“Let me go.” Jongin gains control over his breathing and his voice levels out, no trace of the panic heard previously that scared Kyungsoo so much. So Kyungsoo lets him go and rises to his feet. Jongin watches him leave, still huddled into himself on the floor.

But he soon picks himself up and goes to the restroom to fix his appearance. In two minutes the next customer walks in and Jongin greets him like he would any other, with a bright smile that never touches his eyes and cheerful voice laced with disdain.

…

It takes two weeks for Kyungsoo to walk back into the coffee shop. Jongin wonders if he somehow has gotten ahold of the work schedule because he always seems to visit when Jongin is working by himself. And whenever Jongin tried to talk to Sehun about Kyungsoo, he claims to have never seen the customer.

Jongin watches Kyungsoo purposefully approach the counter, a fierce look in his eyes. Jongin braces himself to treat him just like any other customer.

“Hello, how can I –”

“I still like you.” Jongin isn’t even shocked by Kyungsoo’s interruption, fully expecting something of this sort the moment he’d seen the look on Kyungsoo’s face.

“You don’t even know me.” Jongin matches Kyungsoo’s determined expression with one of his own, intent on putting an end to this little charade. It was beginning to wear him out. For two weeks, he stayed up every night thinking of Kyungsoo’s previous confession. The sound of his voice right beside his ear. The feel of Kyungsoo’s arms wrapped around him. It was getting annoying and Sehun’s quickies weren’t cutting it anymore.

“I know that I’d _like_ to get to know you.” Kyungsoo’s voice is so strong, so sure, Jongin almost waivers.

“Why?”

“Because you happen to be the first person, other than my assistant, who I actually enjoy talking to.” This fact means absolutely nothing to Jongin and he hopes his face shows just how unconvinced he really is. “And you’re good looking.”

“I already know that.” Jongin breaks eye contact with Kyungsoo and shakes his head in contempt. If Kyungsoo had come today to win Jongin over, then at this rate he had already lost the game. Jongin let him continue nonetheless.

“And every day for the past two weeks I could only think of you. It was your name that I woke up to on my lips. Your face I fell asleep with painted on my eyelids. Your smile I thought of whenever I was having a bad day, which was every day by the way. It was always you, Kai.” Jongin look at Kyungsoo quizzically, afraid to let the customer’s words settle in his head. “I still like you.”

“That was all very poetic, Kyungsoo.”

“But true.” Jongin fights the urge to roll his eyes and fails.

"Okay, so you like me. And? What did you expect to gain from telling me this? What do you _want_ from me?” Jongin runs his hand through his hair in exasperation before letting it rest on the back of his neck.

“I just want you.”

“I don’t know what that means! I’m here every day. If you wanted to have sex you could’ve just asked! I don’t care about that shit! But you can’t waltz in here and say you like me and just expect me to be okay with it!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know!” Kyungsoo leans over the counter closer to Jongin. He tries to grab his hand that’s balled into a fist, but Jongin moves quickly and turns around so all Kyungsoo sees is his back.

“Kai, do you like me?”

“I…don’t know.”

“Would you like to find out?”

“No.”

“What is it that you’re so afraid of?” Kyungsoo’s voice loses its tone of compassionate understanding for a moment and he’s almost yelling.

“ _You._ People like you who think they can just walk into someone else’s life, say whatever sweet words come to their minds without a premise and expect everything to go their way. I’m my own person with my own life and I get to choose if I want to share it with someone else.”

“Choose me. Share it with me, Kai. Please.” Kyungsoo has never begged anyone for anything in his life. But he’s doing it now, without a moment’s thought.

“We’ve ‘known’ each other for only two months Kyungsoo.” Jongin finally faces Kyungsoo again, looks him in the eyes. He sees the sincerity, but he chooses to ignore it.

“And in that time, you’ve grown to be someone I care about.”

“I don’t see how though?”

“You think I understand this, Kai? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. The only relationships I’ve been in were fuck-em-and-leave. You think I’m just playing to get a rise out of you? Listen, I don’t know what trust issues you have, or if that’s even what’s the problem here, but I came today to let you know that I want the chance to get to know you. I don’t want to live with any regrets.”

“Your regrets aren’t my problem.” Jongin meant to leave it at that. He meant to let Kyungsoo turn around and walk back out the door and, hopefully, out of his life for the final time.

“But I’ll give you the chance.”

Jongin was always told that sometimes what the heart makes you do is out of your control. He can definitely count this as one of those times. 

…

1 YEAR THREE MONTHS AGO

“How come you never ask me about my job, Kai?”

“For the same reason you never tell me about it.”

Kyungsoo is at Kai’s apartment again. It’s where he spends most of his nights. He has a toothbrush here, some of his favorite snacks in the fridge that Kai hates, even his own drawer of clothes in Kai’s room.

Kyungsoo came over straight from work nearly an hour ago. He’s still in his suit on the couch with Kai’s head in his lap. The latter fingering his loosened tie. Kyungsoo noticed how Kai never asks personal questions. He wonders if its Kai’s way of avoiding talking about his own life.

Kai stops fiddling with Kyungsoo’s tie and looks up.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Kyungsoo did. He really did. Because he found himself thinking of a future with Kai, and he didn’t want something as big as him being an assassin come up later in the relationship and ruin everything. He’d much rather get it out of the way now to spare them both from the drama.

“Kai, I’m an assassin.” Kyungsoo studies Kai’s face. He waits for the shock, the recoil. But none of that happens. Not even a laugh from Kai to make Kyungsoo believe he thinks he’s joking. So, Kyungsoo waits longer. But Kai just lays his head back in Kyungsoo’s lap and continues with his tie. Kyungsoo stays quiet.

“It makes sense, you know. That you’d be an assassin.”

“That doesn’t…scare you? Make you hate me? That I kill people?”

“We all kill people, one way or another. You just happen to get to pull the trigger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: So i finally uploaded part 1!!!!! YAAAAY I hope whoever reads this likes it. It's going to be a threeshot and i am still unsure whether or not I want to add a time skip before the second part. If there is a time jump just know you guys will get like an exra bit explaining everything that hppened between parts 1 and 2 because it will be like "whoa what happened" and you will all be confused.  
> Also...did my timeline confuse anyone??? Please let me know if there's anything that needs clearing up! I tried to make it as easy to follow as possible. But anyway...I really hope you all enjoy this and i'm gonna crawl back to write some more. I love you all for clicking on this story and for reading and i hope i didn't waste your time  
> :D


End file.
